December 18, 2009


President Barack Obama declared Friday a "meaningful and unprecedented breakthrough" had been reached among the U.S., China and three other countries on a global effort to curb climate change but said much work was still be needed to reach a legally binding treaty.
And just like any good criminal, the Chocolate Messiah and his four accomplices ran to the nearest exit, the nearest airport, and off they were (our own criminal, Angela Merkel, was one of them). And they left essentially with an ultimatum to the other roughly 200 countries. Takes this deal, you have 60 minutes (!), yes, I am not making this up, you have 60 (!) minutes to take the deal or to go fuck yourself. Well, problem is, they take this deal, they are fucked regardless. Because, yes, boys and girls, the Climate Summit of Copenhagen was exactly what everybody with a brain bigger than the size of a peanut has predicted: a complete and utter scam.

Because, let us take a look at what that "meaningful" deal was, shall we? Essentially, the biggest polluters in the world got together and said, you know what? Let's all take a page of Machiavelli's playbook and announce we have reached an agreement to not let the average global temperature rise more than 2 degrees celsius. That's what they did. There are no proper goals on how to achieve this, there are no instruments on how to punish those countries that decide to go "oh, fuck this all", you know, like Canada... a country that has its emissions rise by 26 percent since the Kyoto protocol (ooops!) or Germany, also with a net rise, and hell, let's not even talk about Chimerica.

Because that's one of the scams that have been put into place, the apparent polarity of China and the United States. Both countries are at each other's mercy. China holds over 800 billion of the United States' debt. Yes, that's right, boys and girls, they own your ass, and that surely will spin Sarah Palin's hallucinatory brain fragments into a downward spiral as she flies with Fox & Friends... but see, that is not the issue. For China is a failed state already, worthless without the US market for their cheap shit. Yep. The moment US consumers stop buying that, China would collapse like an iceberg made out of jello. It will wobble a bit, then topple... and make us all red. Chimerica decided that, you know what? Fuck the rest of the planet.

Now, the eco-warriors, they still shout about "save the planet!" Save the planet? Kids, the planet will be fine, thank you very much.

The planet doesn't give a damn about us. This isn't about saving the planet, the ice bears, the orang utans, the whatever-Greenpeace-puts-on-television to make you feel bad. This isn't about the planet. This is about us. You know, people. This is about cost-benefit. Ah, yes, you say, the almighty cost-benefit. The altar at which we worship, at which the priests of Goldman & Sachs sacrifice us all. Cost. Benefit.

Here's a number. 70 percent of pollution comes from 30 percent of countries. Can you point them out on a map, kids? No, not you, Miss Teen America, so stop raising your hand and pretend you can find your own head in your ass. 30 percent of the countries, or as we like to call ourselves, The First World. Now, it's not that the Chocolate Messiah and his partners in crime don't believe in science (we leave that to, yes? Bueller? Yes, Fox and Friends), they do, but here's what science says: 70 percent of the negative effects coming from the climate shift will be felt by.... well, not us!

Cost. Benefit. Come on, somebody at Goldman & Sachs figured that out already, years ago. It's all in the numbers. And numbers don't lie. Numbers never lie (unless they come from Goldman & Sachs). Economically, we don't have an incentive to change our ways. Why should we? To save the Maledives from drowning? Eh. We'll put our luxury resorts somewhere else, right? And maybe those folks can all learn how to swim! Sure, there'll be some problems, we might have climate refugees, but hey, that's what armies are for. And what are the poor buggers in Africa (where a lot of those effects will take place) going to do? Hm? Fight against us? No. They are going to die, out of sight, out of mind, just like God has intended them to do, right, Miss Laura Ingraham of Fox News? Because, let's face it, climate shift, that's just a purty word for the "global conspiracy to attack the American Way Of Life"! Yes, that's right! Sure. That's what it is.

Cost. Benefit. Earlier today somebody stole the sign at Auschwitz. Cost. Benefit. That is our god now, and if you feel bad about it, give some to charity and pretend you save a cute little black kid who looked at you from the flatscreen TV and interrupted a perfectly planned evening.