JOURNALISM WATCH: COME ON NOW, HOW MUCH WOULD PEOPLE PAY?

Instead of separate pay walls around individual newspaper Web sites, Mr. Keese wants publishers and Internet companies to work together to create a “one-click marketplace solution” for their online content. In that system, Google or other Internet gateways would display links to newspaper articles, videos and other content from a variety of providers, as search engines do now. But some of the items would include something new: a price tag. What kind of content would come at a cost? Any “noncommodity journalism,” Mr. Keese said, citing pictures of Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi of Italy cavorting poolside with models at his villa in Sardinia — published this year by the Spanish daily El País — as an example. “How much would people pay for that? Surely €5,” he said.

Let me make this clear. In an interview/article by the New York Times, the head of Axel Springer's think tank on "how to make money off the internet" claims not only that a nekkid 70-something Mafia-trading, corrupt Prime Minister of Italy possibly shtupping 18-year old models is legitimate news, no, he also claims that people would pay 5 Euro (that's roughly 7.50 dollars, for you boys and girls in the United States) to see pictures of that.

And he has the chuzpe to actually use this as an example of, wait for it, "quality journalism". Now, I am not quite sure what exactly he is snorting, but he must be snorting something.

But please. I beg you. Please do it. Please put your entire business model to work on that. Please. Pretty please. Plesae continue to think that people will pay you a lot of money to look at a celebrity or a politician shutpping/fighting/breaking up/getting hit by a 3 iron. I want you to. I want you to, because you are going to go broke much faster than you can wash your hands after touching the pixelated version of Berlusconi's penis.

Think about it. 7.50 dollars! To look at a shrivelled wiener! You know, there were times when that was considered to be fetish porn. Hm. maybe that is the client base they are looking for. In that case, well, even Grandmommy's Tits or Grandpoppy's Balls are "out there" for free.

Keep on snorting whatever it is that you are snorting.

POWER WATCH: WAR IS PEACE

So, the dark chocolate version of Bush, uh, yes, the Messiah, no, wait, that's not it... ah, yes, President Obama last night went in front of a some Westpoint cadets and did his own Mission Accomplished speech. Obviously, the speech wasn't intended to inspire the cadets, but hell, if you can't learn from Bush about the value of location, location, location, what can you learn?

Not only was Obama so good that he raped the English language, nope, he also managed to rape reality. And the idiots of the Nobel peace Prize committee, but to be perfectly honest, they deserved to be raped. Somewhere in Great Britain, there was a rumbling noise, and that was George Orwell's corpse spinning faster in his grave than physics should allow.

War is Peace, and if there ever had been any doubt that Obama isn't anything other than Bush with some seriously snazzy speech skills, last night, well... that score is settled now, isn't it?

War is Peace. Let's send in some more 30,000 troops to bring peace and stability to Afghanistan. So that will make it roughly 100,000 US troops on rotation. Troops that are.. what? Suddenly better prepped? Are there people now going to be sent inwho understand the tribal culture? Are they still looking for Osama? Are they going to enter Pakistan, where the Taliban are getting stronger and stronger?

War is Peace. Do they have a clearly defined mission? How are they going to bring stability to a country that has a corrupt government that we all clearly support, and hell, election fraud, who gives a shit, right? And we wonder why they don't trust us? Maybe it's because we call in air strikes, like the German army did, that kill 142 civilians. Then we cover it up. Got to have an election, kids, can't tell folks back home we did a major ooopsie!

War is Peace. Don't worry about it, though. The messiah has a plan. Troops only going to stay there until the primaries begin, uh, 2011... and then, right at election time, one can say, see? See? I brought some troops home, re-elect me! Re-fucking-elect me!

War is Peace. Are we going to build an infrastructure there? Are we going to help keeping families safe, or are we doing what we have always done? Move into a village. Ask a few questions. Shoot a few insurgents, maybe a couple of civilians who got in the way... collateral damage, that is such a nice word, isn't it? We always us that when we kill innocent people around the globe. Ooopsie. Sorry, didn't mean to shot your daughter on her wedding day. But don't you understand? We are doing this for the greater good! Really! You and your children, well the ones who are still alive, you will thank us one day.

War is Peace. Let me pose a question here. If somebody decides to invade your country, walks around like they own the place, don't protect you but make a deal with any crook, criminal and liar to protect their own interest, what do you call it when you pick up a gun and start fighting back? That's right. It's called justice. It's called patriotism. But who gives a damn? They're just sand niggahs, right? Barbarians! Cave Dwellers! We bring you alcohol, syphilis and other nice things, as we famously said when we landed on the American shores and looked the natives in the eye.

War is Peace. The brilliance of Obama is that he can talk. he can talk a lot. He can talk so much, in fact, that some of the Wespoint cadets were falling asleep. He can also talk without actually saying something. We bring you peace. We bring you stability. Now, look, I am not going to tell you how we are going to do that, trust us, we're the US government. Am I the only one who thinks that we must look to the Afghans very much like the Martians in Tim Burton's Mars Attacks? "Do not flee! We are your friends!" KzzzZZzzzzzzz! SPLAT!

War is Peace. It was Joss Whedon in Serenity, who wrote "We do it, because one of those days, maybe not tomorrow, but maybe in a year, maybe in ten, maybe a hundred, they will do it again. They will come back to the conclusion that they can make people... better."

War is Peace.