January 21, 2010

THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE: PACING IS WHAT MAKES OR BREAKS A SCENE

Note how this page is designed in its original (and later published) state. There's a joke and a transition in there that you will not immediately (and by immediately, I mean subconsciously) understand, because not only is the A close call in the first panel on the outer left side, leading your eye out of the scene and the page, it doesn't transition to the next scene, also because you don't have the sound F/X of a ringing phone ...

... and it takes two more panels, one of which is devoid of dialogue, the other one is a close-up of a mouth, to bring us to the important bit (and there is one bit that is missing there, to transition to the next scene, so you have no immediate idea as to what is going on, because you eye is lazy (not in the evil sense, it just is), and so it takes you about two to three seconds to reach the final panel, not getting any transitory information.



And now, ladies and gentlemen, I took the time (roughly two hours, because it annoys me that I'm the one who is being blasted for things, yes, it still does) to lay out the page in such a manner that it paces the dialogue in the right places (I did add one thing, though, that was not in my script, but the rest is the same thing, same dialogue, same writing)....   


.... yes, I'm a writer, I'm an editor, I'm a director.

Of course, the scene would have been even better (but that is a bit cheating, since that was not in the actual script) if you re-arranged the two word balloons that serve as the connector between the Crystal-Bernie scene and the introduction of Cleo.