January 21, 2010

THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE: THIS IS ENTIRELY ABOUT CHARACTER, GIRLS (PART TWO, EVEN ASSASSINS HAVE GIRLFRIENDS)

One of the little things that I wanted to do in 10 Beautiful Assassins, but was prevented from doing... was to at least give every one of the cardboard cut-outs that were "the girls" a little something that was more than a dress and a gun. In the case of Patricia Bocanegra (don't ask), or the "biker chick", I wanted to at least give her somebody who loved her, even if it was merely a voice on the phone, and so I invented Cleo, the receptionist....



... who in this scene is merely introduced, but has not much to do. But what I really wanted to set up was a scene later, and I wanted to play the actual relationship between them almost like that of husband and wife, where the husband is on the road a lot (killing people), and the wife is in a more supervisory capacity in the office. You still with me? Okay. Now let's go to the end of the F1 car chase, the way it was originally intended to play. Here's for those coming late to the show. Bernie and Crystal have escaped the race circuit of Monaco, and are now being chased by Patricia down a French highway...

CRYSTAL (FROM THE RACE CAR)
CAR!

BERNIE (FROM THE RACE CAR)
I KNOW!

BEHIND THEM, ZIPPING with MORE EASE through the TRAFFIC, there’s PATRICIA on the BIKE. CATCHING UP.  BERNIE sees her in the REARVIEW.

BERNIE
I know what I’m doing!

BERNIE
Trust me!

CRYSTAL LOOKS AHEAD at the SAME TIME. POINTS AHEAD.

CRYSTAL (BREAKING THE WORD BALLOON)
Ohgodohgodohgodohgod!

BERNIE KNOWS what is up AHEAD. In fact, he COUNTS on it. PATRICIA PULLS UP NEXT TO THEM. AIMS her GUN with ONE ARM, holding the BIKE under control only with the OTHER.

BERNIE (TO CRYSTAL)
Sit down!

BERNIE (IN SMALLER FONT, TO HIMSELF)
I know what I’m doing.

And as PATRICIA SHOOTS, CRYSTAL PLONKS her ASS DOWN, partially SHOCKED, partially just pushed back by the IMPACT of BERNIE ACCELERATING.

TO THE RIGHT OF THEM: a WIDE TRUCK, with just ENOUGH SPACE underneath it to FIT a FORMULA ONE RACING CAR.

BERNIE JERKS the STEERING WHEEL to the RIGHT.

The RACE CAR ZIPS underneath the TRUCK.

PATRICIA’S BULLETS rip through the TRUCK’S CONTAINER HULLS, but without ANY DAMAGE to the RACE CAR or BERNIE and CRYSTAL.

The BIKE rides ALONGSIDE the TRUCK. PATRICIA CONTINUES to FIRE.

BERNIE steps on it.

UNDERNEATH THE TRUCK, the RACE CAR LURCHES FORWARD. ANOTHER JERK to the RIGHT! ZIPPING OUT from UNDERNEATH the TRUCK and onto the THIRD LANE. Now we have the RACE CAR on the RIGHT SIDE, the TRUCK in the MIDDLE and PATRICIA on her BIKE on the LEFT.

BERNIE CHEERS. RAISES his ARM to CELEBRATE.

BERNIE
Yes! YES! YES!

And it is at THIS POINT he sees it. THE HIGHWAY SIGN! The one that is COMING UP VERY FAST! The one that STATES his LINE will END in 600 METRES, to MERGE WITH THE ONE THE TRUCK is on.

BERNIE (WHISPERING)
Oh... shoot.

TO PATRICIA: She SPEEDS UP, DRIVES PAST THE TRUCK on HER SIDE, MAKES THE LANE CHANGE and STOPS on BERNIE’S LANE… RIGHT AT THE END OF IT.

It BLOWS OUT HER BACK TIRE. She JUMPS OFF THE BIKE, STILL AIMING. The BIKE TUMBLES BEHIND HER. CRASHES.

BERNIE STEPS ON THE BRAKES. HARD.

PATRICIA FIRES IMMEDIATELY as the RACE CAR, with FULL BREAKS is SKIDDING TOWARDS her, through the HAIL OF BULLETS.

BERNIE JERKS LEFT. The RACE CAR can’t TAKE it. SKIDS SIDEWAYS. It FLIPS OVER. LEAP OVER PATRICIA, with ITS COCKPIT RIGHT ABOVE HER HEAD as she LOOKS UP to it. DOES NOT BELIEVE IT.

TRIES TO AIM UP with her GUNS as BERNIE …

… yes, I am not kidding…

…BERNIE WAVES at HER from ABOVE, LOOKING DOWN on her as the RACE CAR FLIPS, does a PERFECT LANDING then on the HIGHWAY.

PATRICIA
Impossible!

DRIVES OFF. BANGED UP and BATTERED, but still… DRIVING OFF.

LEAVING PATRICIA BEHIND on that stretch. With her BIKE DESTROYED.

Let it SINK IN. REPEAT THE PANEL TWICE. She LOOKS at her BIKE.

KICKS IT.

SIGHS.

In the FINAL PANEL, we have her PHONE RINGING. She ANSWERS IT.

PATRICIA
Yes?

PATRICIA (FX)
*sigh*

PATRICIA
No. No, I’m not going anywhere, Cleo.

PATRICIA
No, honey, I’m not angry with you. It’s just...

PATRICIA walks towards the DITCH of the HIGHWAY. KICKS UP some STONES.

PATRICIA
... I’m having a really bad day.

She SITS DOWN. LOOKS once more at her BIKE. The TRAFFIC is passing her by. RUBS her TEMPLE. Man, this is one hell of a migraine for her.

PATRICIA
Like London? No. Nothing’s as bad as London.

In the lines I have boldened, you will see that there are two very different versions of this scene. In the original, written and envisioned by me, there's

(A) Patricia blowing out her tire as she comes up, she jumps off the bike as it skids away and still manages to aim, yes, she is that good...

(B) Bernie intentionally flips the F1 car around, in what can only be seen as an entirely proud Michael Bay moment, he is that good, especially since I had him tell Crystal the entire time, "I know what I'm doing." And does he the hell know, hell, yes, which makes Patricia remark "impossible!"

(C) Most importantly, there is a little character moment for Patricia at the end of the sequence, which shows that we are dealing with human beings here, if only in a roundabout action blockbuster kind of way. By talking to Cleo, we have an entirely normal situation at the end of what was absolutely over-the-top insane.

Wasn't allowed to do it. Absolutely not. Nobody cares about them as people, I was being told, and no amount of arguing could change the retard's mind (by now you know who I am talking about). And it takes too much space! Cut this crap!

The end of the sequence, as it is presented to you in the book, was his idea. Now, Bernie is an idiot, he doesn't flip the car intentionally, and get this... not only doesn't he flip it intentionally, they just get lucky and drop right on Patricia from mid-air.






Uh, and this is better? Noooooo .... Of course, since Bernie and Crystal still needed transportation, the whole blowing out the bike's tire and still aiming went out of the window as well. And also gone was the little character moment on the phone.

Three defining moments that just went pfffft.

And you were left with this... a retarded Bernie, a scene that made no sense in its conclusion but merely provided a plot point... and the waste of a character moment. Don't thank me, thank the "development process", which is polite for "somebody who can't write, has no clue and no respect for either story or audience forces his own views onto an author by stating that he has the money" (which is truly funny, since he won't pay you, but that shit's just something you'll learn later... and is a matter for another day).

Would I do such a thing ever again? No.

If you don't believe me, read the first post on this blog.

Because the truth... shall set you free.