January 28, 2010

WHY STEVE JOBS IS THE BEST LIAR, LIKE, EVER!

If you look at the iPad (yes, we all have made that joke already, let's move on) and look at the positively orgasmic reaction in the mainstream media, one might get the impression that Apple's lates re-design of already existing technologies is a good thing, nay, it's the best thing ever, and not only that, this device will give you a slobbering blow job, too!

It's a game changer! It is everything a notebook isn't! It's in colour! You can watch movies on it!

All of which can be done e.g. by the Archos 9, and the design isn't all the different, either. But the difference is that tablets/slates/pads like the Archos 9 have USB support (kind of important), run a full Windows 7 (hey, you can actually work with it) and come with a Stylus pen (if you are an artist, that is also kind of important).

Why you ain't hearing anything about that in the mainstream media?

Ah, yes, that is the question...

... see, the mainstream media has a vested interest in the Apple iPad, and of course they are not going to tell you that, but Apple does what it does best. Sell you overpriced shit (and don't let anybody come to me and say that the Apple products these days are better than PCs. I have owned an Apple since 1999, and back then the argument was perfectly valid. These days, not so much)

No. The reason why this is a game changer, so they pray, they hope, they beg, is iBooks. Just like the iTunes store, it will be e.g. the only way you are supposed to get your e-Books, your e-Magazines, your e-Newspapers.

And, oh, don't fucking believe anything the New York Times is writing about this product. A company that was the first one out to tout their ├╝ber-special New York Times app at the show has lost the journalistic right to cover said show. You are part of the Donkey show, kids. Fact is, you are the fucking donkey!

In short, the iPad is designed for one reason, and one reason only. To take back the control of every possible distribution of content, and then to slap a price on it. You want to import something else without DRM, because you already bought it somewhere else? Well, fuck you, customer. You are at Steve Jobs' mercy, and you thought Bill Gates was bad? No. Jobs has become everything that Gates has always wanted to be.

Jobs sells you a Wall Street 2: Greed Is Still Fucking Good lifestyle that is no longer based on any real performance of the product, but on the way that other people will look at you jealously for owning something that has no worth whatsoever, but it sure enough looks purty.

I'm sure it will be a hit with Wall Street brokers.