February 6, 2010


As I stated before, the Catholic Church has big problems with gays. What I just realised that the Church only has problem with things that are big. Big issues. Big controversies. Big dicks. Hey, don't knock until you tried it, ladies and gentlemen, especially if you are a Catholic priest, and there is hopefully the German version of a prison inmate called Bubba in your future!

But until then, they like their shit small, you see? Their sexuality apparently has a bit of a small problem. Very small. Bite-sized small. Little fucking boys small.

Or rather, fucking little boys.

As DER SPIEGEL reports this weekend, a survey in the 27 German Catholic Districts revealed the following...
Hamburg/Berlin - Die Zahl möglicher Missbrauchsfälle in der deutschen katholischen Kirche ist größer als bislang angenommen: Eine Umfrage des SPIEGEL bei allen 27 deutschen Bistümern ergab, dass seit 1995 mindestens 94 Kleriker und Laien unter Missbrauchsverdacht geraten sind. 30 von ihnen wurden in der Vergangenheit juristisch belangt und verurteilt. Viele Fälle waren zum Zeitpunkt ihres Bekanntwerdens jedoch bereits verjährt. Derzeit stehen den Angaben zufolge mindestens zehn Kirchendiener unter Missbrauchsverdacht.
Excuse me? Not only were the apparently 94 priests and Catholic Church workers under suspicion in the past 15 years, not only were thre 30 brought to justice, no, most of the cases couldn't even go to trial, because apparently we still have a statute of limitations on the sexual abuse of children!

What are thse kids going to say? When they feel part of that community, when they are deluded into thinking that Father lars only does this because he loves me? That's part of how God shows his love, yes, that's right Timmy, now spread those cheeks, oh god, oh, holy father!

Most sexual abuse cases, be it in families and within the Catholic Church will not reported for years, sometimes decades, because it comes with shame, and it comes with guilt, as victims often – no, almost all the time – seek the cause for such an abuse within themselves. And that isn't helped by society, either.

Women face the same problem with rape.

Well, is the murmur among our fellow men then, if she dressed like a tart, if she flirted like a tart, she shouldn't be surprised if she was treated like An American Pie, right?

I take offense at that.

And I take even more offense at the fact that – if and when these kids come forward – they might get told, well, Timmy, I'm sorry, it's a bum rap, ha ha, I know, isn't that funny, but it happened 14 years ago, and so we will let the same fucker do it again to anyother boy, at least as long as we can't catch him in the act. Say, do you like gladiator movies?

And three out of the German Catholic districst refused to even answer DER SPIEGEL'S calls, stating that...
Von den 27 Bistümern, die der SPIEGEL am vorigen Dienstag angefragt hatte, antworteten 24. Nur die Bistümer Limburg, Regensburg und Dresden-Meißen verweigerten eine Auskunft zu Missbrauchsfällen. Man wolle "die aktuelle Diskussion nicht noch befeuern", erklärte etwa der Sprecher des Bistums Dresden-Meißen.
So, you are keeping it under cover, because, uh, by facing the problem you might fire up the already heated discussion? Hello? Are you people insane?

Strangely enough, hardly any of it happens in the Lutheran Churches in Germany, gosh, I wonder why. Could it be because they have female priests and bishops? Could it be because they can marry and even divorce?

Think about it, class. And think about why celibacy was invented in the first place. And the first one to raise his hand and say, "it was god's will", will get the proverbial ruler on his little, grubby hands.

Celibacy was invented by the Church in the dark ages as a mean for the biggest land grab in the history of mankind outside of military conquests. See, the first-born of a nobleman would take over his father's title and most of what it entailed (see? God, even there we have bum jokes). The second born, oh well, in order to prevent any kind of rivalries, the second born usually went to the Church, hey, it was also a political career back then, okay? It wasn't "let's help other people". Play your cards right, become a bishop, play them better, a cardinal. And if you are good enough, halleluja, St. Peter's Chair, al for the taking.

But thing was, you enter the Church, you give up all of your worldly possession and hand them over to said Church. Strangely enough, the same people who then later decried socialism ("they are taking our land away! FOR THE STATE!") have absolutely no problem with "they are taking our land away! FOR GOD!"

But in order to keep those possessions, one had to make sure, and by sure I mean legally sure, that any offspring (and class, priests still continued to fuck like rabbits, same with bishops and cardinals and popes) that might be produced could not, not ever take the land, those possessions away from the Greater Body that was The Church.

And as it is the case with things that get lost in the fog of history, a political decision with a clear goal, let it run amock for a few centuries, and it shall become a tradition, and as we all know when it comes to traditions, the reasoning quickly deteriorates to "it was always thus, and always shall be".

Traditions are the tip of the sword in any religious and/or political discourse. They can kill you in a single stroke, because in order for them to become traditions in the first place, they must be subconsciously been absorbed by the majority of the population, to never be questioned. And whatever argument you may have, however rational it may be, will be crushed by said subconscious acceptance.

And so the Catholic Church has devolved into the perfect cover, the most perfect hunting ground for pedophiles the world has ever seen. It's not just little boys, as cases in ireland have shown us. It's little girls and nuns as well.

And since the Catholic Church has run and is still running primary schools across Germany, the lives tock can get updated every couple of years, and because most of those schools (always with a church attached) are difficult to get into, if you are a child, there will be almost always a sense of accomplishment when you are in them, you do not want to leave, they took you in, this is your place.

And so if and when molestation occurs, you will keep your mouth shut, you know that opening your mouth will blow everything sky high, and if and when that happens, no more school for you. Like I said, a perfect hunting ground for pedophiles.

Now let's start hunting them. Let's not stop. Not now. not ever. A month after it happened. A year. Five years. Ten. Twenty. Let's hunt them down, and put them where they belong.

In a small cell.

With a big dick.

With a big dick that belongs to a man named Bubba.

Bend over, boyfriend.