May 30, 2010


The steel condom didn't work. The mud wrestling didn't work. Hey, doesn't that sound like a good ole night of the Republican Party at a Bondage-Themed-LA-strip club already? Woop! Woop! Up next? They call it a "junk shot". Yes, that's right. The next, best, last hope for BP to plug a hole in the ground, 1,5 kilometres underneath the ocean (remember, kids, where the pressure is so high that it means the weight of an entire middle class sedan is pressuring against each square centimetre?) is to shoot shit into a secondary steel condom. Like, I swear I am not making this up, golf balls. Hey, ask Tiger Woods! he knows how to plug a hole or two (or three or four), and that guy can plug a hole in one, too.

Our planet is in the hands of dangerous lunatics with rudimentary science degrees. Led by people with MBAs, who don't know what they are doing in the first place, but who know damn well that shelling out $ 500,000 for some safer technology would take out 0,001 percent of their already subsidized earnings.

But don't worry. The Chocolate Messiah is on the case. Right after he hosts a special concert at the White House for Sir Paul McCartney. Which is exactly like that now infamous clip of Dubya talking about weapons of mass destruction, then going, "now watch that drive."

But don't worry. The stopped all exploratory drilling in deep water for the next six months. No, wait, they didn't. But don't worry. They fired all the corrupted regulatory officials from the US agency. No, wait, they didn't.

As Bill Maher said on Friday night, this would be a perfect time for Dubya to do a TV appearance and commenting on the Chocolate Messiah's actions so far.

 "You're doing a heckuva job, Brownie"