June 23, 2010


Barry just fired (no, he "relieved" him, and if that isn't a relief, then nothing is) General Stanley McChrystal from his command of the Khyber Pass, uh, the Afghanistan humanitarian mission.

This story reaffirms what every rock and pop star has known for at least ten years. The rule that whatever happens on the tour bus stays on the tour bus no longer applies. At least not when you are stupid enough to invite a Rolling Stone reporter with you and drink yourself into a stupor during the interview.

Thing is, what does such a completely stupid, thoughtless and utterly retarded behaviour tell us about the tactical and strategic skills of a guy who's supposed to... what was that again, ah, yes, win a war?

When I was in the army, we bitched a lot about our superiors as well. But not to other people. To the people you might wind up in a foxhole with, yes, and in my case – admittedly – straight to your superior's face. Which got me three weeks of weekend guard duty (still not so certain if it is wise to give the guy who you obviously don't trust a G3 assault rifle with 40 rounds of live ammo and have him walk around the base over the weekend, but that's just me)

But to an outside reporter? That's just plain stupid. That's how Missy McChrystal has been thinking ahead. About half a step. And again, what does that say about the man's long-term strategies?

Already there is rumbling from the ground troops, still funnelled through the proper channels, that tells us "we are losing, Sir". Yes, we are. Like the Soviets before us. And it won't mean a damn thing that David Petraeus is now going to head the Afghanistan mission. You know, he was the Iraq War's porn star. Where he surged. And surged. Oh, wait...

... what really surged was the bribery of the Sunni warlords. And we have pretty much done that already in Afghanistan as well.

Oh, and Barry?

Where's Osama? You know? The reason why we went in there in the first place? When we didn't care about the women's plights? Or the Taliban? Or how corrupt that country was? Or... all of the other reasons that have been shat on us?

Where's Osama, Barry?

General Stanley will probably write his book now. How he could have won the war. If only they had given him 600,000 men. And unlimited funds. Who else did say that? Wasn't that Robert McNamara?

How long will it take – and how many history books will you have to read – to realise that you cannot, not now, not ever occupy a country like Afghanistan. There's nothing there to occupy! Occupation works – and only for a limited amount of time, even then – in highly industrialised countries, where you can take control of everything the population has become addicted to. Like water. Like electricity. Like... oh, I don't know... a public fucking transportation system. Have them run on time, have everybody have jobs, have them have their daily bread, and you can occupy away.

Or as that other General once said, during the first Gulf War, "you broke it, you bought it".