June 14, 2010

GERMANY TO WORLD: WAKA! WAKA!


After the first two days of the world cup being the most mundane, boring and bullshit display of the game that I personally have seen in a long time, with the big teams either not doing anything (Greece, England, France) or doing just about enough (Argentina), the tournament began Sunday evening with the first team actually playing!

Surprise! It's Germany's Rainbow Nation!


Newsflash!

Mercedes hits eleven kangaroos on South African highway. 
Kangaroos still wonder what the hell happened. 

And so, to my buddy and Australian artist Edo Fuijkschot, wait for it, uh... Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! Nyah!

And yes, everybody is now saying, "who the hell is Australia anyway"?

It's what the US team should have been to England.

It's what Uruguay should have been to France.

First of all, you have to beat these "little" teams.

But that's not what Germany did last night. They didn't beat Australia, the played them into the ground. Surprise! Germany has players who can be on the level with Messi! Surprise! "Prince" Podolski sucks only at club football, not in the national team! Surprise! We have our very own Brazilian! Surprise! Khedira and Özil are probably having the Turkish nation cry (damn assholes, choosing to be Germans, this is what we get for the Vienna siege?) And all those foreigners! Like Schweinsteiger! Like Badlstuber! Who are the reason we will never let Bavaria secede! The reason the rest of us still are okay with suffering the team of Bayern München! Schweinsteiger! Badlstuber! Müller!

We have a Müller again!

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

We have a Müller again.

There'll be a Müllering! You know when you have been Müller'ed!

Oh, and one more time to my friend Edo Fuijkschot (whose parents are Dutch). Guess which coach was responsible for discovering Müller and putting him within one year from the Bayern München amateurs into the German national team?

Dutch coach Louis van Gaal! Who's probably now thinking, shit, I hope they don't have to play the Netherlands. Nobody will ever forgive me if Oranje get's Müller'ed.

You know, like in 1974...

And again: Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! Nyah! 

One thing I still want to see, though.

I want to have the Germans do something similar to the New Zealand rugby team. I want them to do a dance routine, preferably at the end of the match, if and when they have won.

Preferably doing the dance routine of Shakira's "Waka! Waka!" Yes, Shakira is our very own secret weapon! Muhahahahaha! She taught the boys how to shake da booty when she went with the German national team on the plane to fly down to South Africa last week! Admit it! There was a lot of dancing going on! We could see the A380 rock in mid-air from here!


Come on boys, you know you want to.

Waka! Waka!