June 7, 2010

POWER WATCH: IF ALL CONDOMS WERE AS GOOD AS BP'S OIL SPILL CAP, THERE'D BE A FUCKING LOT MORE BABIES!

Success! Success! We capped it! So says BP, and from the same AP article that my last post took its quote from, here is this...
[Coast Guard's] Allen earlier Monday told reporters that a cap on the damaged oil well is now keeping up to 462,000 gallons of oil a day from leaking into the Gulf. That's up from about 441,000 gallons on Saturday and about 250,000 on Friday. BP in a statement put the amount being captured at 466,200 gallons. Allen said the government was using its own flow-rate calculations and not relying on those from BP. He put the amount being captured at 11,000 42-gallon barrels, or 462,000 gallons.
Isn't that awesome? 11,000 barrels are being captured per day!  From a blow-out that only produced roughly 5,000 barrels per day (according to BP and the US government for as long as real scientists couldn't see footage of the spill and then calculated themselves, then it was 12,000 barrels per day, officially)

Unofficially? Most independent experts (you know, the ones the US administration and BP won't let get anywhere near the fucking blow-out) estimate the spill at roughly 50,000 barrels per day, some even go as far as estimating 70,000 to 100,000 barrels per day, and that was before the capping operation, which by BP's own account, would increase the flow by roughly 20 percent. Then again, what the fuck do they know?

See, if they siphon off 11,000 barrels a day... and the official flow rate was correct? They'd pretty much capture it all. Only they don't!

At an estimated 50,000 barrels per day, they manage to siphon off 20 percent of the oil!

And that is before that 20 percent increase, uh... feeling sick yet?

Yes! Success! We capped it so well...

... that 80 percent of the oil still pumps into the ocean!

That's how fucking good we are! With a better plan coming into fruition, maybe, in late summer or early fall, you know, with a relief wewll that should have been part of the fucking security measures in the first place and that BP is fighting to implement in all kinds of places, like for example Canada!

Like I said, 80 percent.

Thank god BP doesn't produce condoms!

They'd only be recommended by the Vatican, if they did!