August 8, 2010

IN THE FUTURE, IF YOU ARE WONDERING, "WHAT'S WIKILEAKS" WAS WHEN I DECIDED TO KICK YOUR ASS

This will be the last post (and the 275th one, to boot) on this subject matter for a while, and while I could write an entirely new segment of THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE on my dealings with Hollywood, I simply don't care enough right now to write it down.

It's mostly because some of the explanations would reveal major plot points of THE CAGE that I want you to enjoy when you read it in the first novel, but also because I feel so tired giving these people more space than they are worth.

And thirdly, at least one instance is there – regarding a plot point and a piece of dialogue I did change to "make the show more sellable" that I am very ashamed of and that will require a post of its own.

The title of this post, though, is a reference to something. Ten bags of gummi bears to the one who knows what it is. Of course, it won't be the producer and development executive who would know that, because, remember, "everybody forgets dialogue after two minutes".

But it wasn't just that.

During the phone conference on Tuesday there was a moment when I wanted to briefly explain some of the other story arcs that I had in my head for the show, and so i started with this...

"Se, there will be a story arc called BATTLEFIELDS, and we will use WikiLeaks as a starting point as we have a US special ops team kidnap..."

"What's Wikileaks?" asked the development executive.

And I stopped. Somewhere in my head I ran into a dark room that went on forever, and all of my fears came true.

"Oh. Dear. God." I said. Then I took a deep breath and explained what was only – globally speaking – the biggest story of the past three weeks and tried to not scream, but in my head I did. I explained it, explained who Julian Assange was... an then proceeded like this...

"... and of course, we can show all the arguments in a dramatic way, combining it with last week's controversial TIME cover..."

"Oh, I don't read TIME," said the development executive.

Yes. here I was, already worried all the time that it only takes one idiot to screw up this rather complex concept , and the two people who I was forced to trust to get it done...

... were the two idiots I had been afraid of!

Let me point that out to you, boys and girls. Here are two people trying to tell me how to develop a show on journalism, who both fucking had no fucking clue about what was going on in the world! Or in the world of journalism! Not! A! Single! Fucking! Clue!

And kids, in order to not know, not to have at least an idea about what Wikileaks was after it had been on every news show, every news channel, the Daily Show, The Colbert Report, the little ad window that pops up after your fucking iPhone porn downlaods...

... that isn't just coincidence. That requires fucking dedication to avoid the news. That rises to a Palinesque Vacuum Head moment. and there was no shame in it. No embarrassment. It was, to quote another thing, turning "disengagement into a zen-like thing".

Let me say it again.

Two people with no interest or knowledge in news, in topics or even capable of reading properly told me how to change the entire script... again, because "we know what is best, and what sells".

Yeah. Right. On what fucking planet?

In the future, if you are wondering...

"What's Wikileaks?"

... was when I decided to kick your ass.