October 3, 2010

ATTENTION: THREE GUYS IN PAKISTAN TALKING DOES NOT MAKE A TERRORISM WARNING, OKAY?

The US government is again warning people, this time about Europe. Yes, all of Europe, from Sweden to Britain, from Germany to France, from Italy to Spain, from the Ukraine to... oh, you get the idea, if you are in Europe.

Don't go to Europe, the US government says, and if you go, be careful when you use buses, trains, planes, if you are in large crowds, try not to go to see the sights, them terrorist may strike at any time, any place, anywhere... because we have information through our usual sources that Ossie Bin Laden and his wacky band of looney tunes just may strike somewhere. Somehow. Some place. In Europe.

Al Quaeda's Number 3 (didn't we, like, kill half a dozen of Al Quaeda's Number 3*s? What is this? Austin Powers?) is involved in a plot that may or may not look like the hotel bombings in Mumbai, or maybe not, we don't know, we just picked up some chatter, we got some intel from a guy we tortured somewhere...

But be afraid. Be very afraid.

Now, am I making light of the situation? Of course I am. There will be another terrorism attack at some point. Somewhere. But dear god... you can't let that tell you how to live your lives. Especially when it's information that is utterly sketchy and that turned from "US stopped terror plot against Germany and France" earlier this week to "oh, well, we didn't, so be afraid, be very afraid" this weekend.

To those who like to "Code: Mango" every time some retard in Pakistan talks about killing a lot of infidels in the Western hemisphere, gosh, if you keep that up, you'll have a bowl of fruit salad very soon. That's how often they talk about it.

Relax. Take a deep breath. It's okay.

[UPDATE] This just came in while I was writing this post. The British now warn their citizens about travel to France and Germany. The French warn... only us Germans go, "uh, could somebody please clarify something here? Our intelligence doesn't suggest that we have to go to Code: Mango."

Again, could there be a bomb somewhere? Sure, improvised bombs are relatively easy to manufacture, I could do it, so could you, so could everybody (unless you are that awesomely professional Times Square bomber), so yeah... the threat is always there, but here's the thing... the threat will always be there.

Again, relax. Take a deep breath.

Don't be afraid.