October 8, 2010

I AM WRITING AGAIN

I have had one of the worst months of my life, all of which left me unable to write anything creatively. In fact, I stared at the final 100 pages of the German book LIVE I was editing and thought to myself, what the fuck? Why can't I get my energy levels up to a point where my brain functions at even a fraction of what it is, or should be? Where are your 186 IQ points now, motherfucker?

And so I started a style exercise. If you are an artist, I guess you would call it a doodle. I started to doodle. Testing out how to combine words, how to structure paragraphs, how to find a way back into that vacated space that I like to call my head.

Six days later, I have 6,000 words of something I shown around to people whose opinions I trust. It's no longer a style exercise, it's a story. Sometimes, if you are very lucky, that happens. And I am writing it fast. Faster than anything I have written in the past couple of months, as fast I wrote The Cage script, to be exact.

It's nothing that would be worthy of critical appraisal, what I am writing. It will never win an award. I am writing it for myself. Just like I wrote The Cage for myself. What it is? Well, my friend and frequent collaborator Edo called it Angel meets Watchmen.

It's pulp fiction. It's not ashamed of what it is. It's something I always wanted to write, since I was eight years old and thought that one day I may be writing Superman or Batman or Wonder Woman (because we are all stupid like that when we are eight years old. It was either these three or Star Wars for me. Geek!)

But I never will write Superman or Batman or Wonder Woman, and after knowing what I know now, about where these corporate-owned characters are going, I also know that I wouldn't be able to write them well. I wouldn't be able to write what I want to write, with them.

With this here, I can write whatever I want.

It's Raymond Chandler's Batman. It's Hunter Thompson's Superman. It's Quentin Tarantino's Captain America. It's something that I have no name for. Other than "It's something that really, really got me out of a state of deep, deep frustration".

And for that alone, I am grateful.