What?! It's Christmas coming up?! Let's go visit the troops. No, I got an even better idea! Let's take my "Iam crusading against pedophiles in one of the worst TV shows on one of the scummiest TV channels in Germany, ever" wife with me. Will that not look awesome? Quick! Put up some chairs for some of the chosen soldiers in a tent, where I will have an interview with media bottomfeeder Johannes B. Kerner on how incredibly vital it is for us to be here, and by vital I mean vital for my later bid to run for the Chancellory, and if it works in America, then what the fuck, it will work in Germany, too. Look at my hair. Perfect, ain't it?
And the tabloid press like BILD merrily plays along. Look at that power couple go! Why, they are the German Obamas! And better than them, they are rich! They don't need politics! They inherited a shitload of money from their families! That is the right fucking leadership! And did I say that they are from a beautifullay aged family of noblemen? Wait, if I look hard enough, I will probably find out that their family was also part of those who tried to assassinate Hitler on July 20, 1944. Stauffenberg. Guttenberg. Close enough. Is all gutt, ja?
So much so that Angela Merkel somehow felt compelled to fly down there as well this weekend for a surprise visit to the troops. Surprise! Can you do that whole show business thing again, but for me?
But then a German soldier died tonight. Without being in a combat situation, they say. By gunfire. And that is the reason why my mind went, wha? According to Der Spiegel...
Im Norden Afghanistans ist ein Soldat der Bundeswehr ums Leben gekommen. Der 21-Jährige war offenbar durch Schüsse aus einer Dienstwaffe schwer verwundet worden und verstarb während der folgenden Notoperation. Die Truppenführung sprach von einem "Unfall".An accident, huh? Weird. And after all that show and tell of the past week, this is what the soldier gets. A couple of paragraphs. Tough shit, kid, you're dead.
Die Bundeswehr hat ein weiteres Todesopfer beim Einsatz in Afghanistanzu beklagen: Ein Soldat ist in einem Außenposten nördlich des Regionalen Wiederaufbauteams Pul-e-Khumri mit einer Schusswunde schwer verletzt aufgefunden worden. Dies teilte das Einsatzführungskommando der Bundeswehr in Potsdam am Freitagabend mit.
Der 21-jährige Hauptgefreite sei per Hubschrauber in ein Feldlager transportiert worden und dort bei einer anschließenden Notoperation verstorben. Aus Bundeswehrkreisen hieß es, die Schüsse seien aus einer Dienstwaffe gefallen.
Having been in the army myself, there are usually not many ways to die without enemy fire.
(A) You can be incredibly stupid while cleaning your gun (and even that always made me think, how the fuck can you do that? There is a certain procedure that - if you follow it - leaves virtually no chance of you blowing your brains out, regardless of what you may have seen in movies).
(B) You can be even more incredibly stupid and bored and play around with your buddies while carrying a loaded gun. Possible? Of course, but I like to think that the German soldiers are smarter than that, and have been drilled in such a fashion that makes a Cowboys-And-Indian accident not very likely.
(C) Very often, when a soldier commits suicide by gun, it is labeled officially as an "accident". OF all three possible variants here, this is what I fear may very well be the case. Not that this will ever be made public, if it is. All armies, especially the US army, is well known to disregard the psychological pressure that is on men at war, applauding them for "bravery" and conveniently forgetting the price that these men usually pay, if not during their mission, than in the months, years and decades later.
I hope that this is not the case here. But I fear it is.