December 14, 2010


One of the things, I believe, that has separated George Michael from all the more modern artists is that - as opposed to people doing the whole "I am so kinky" today - I always believed that Michael had that delightful dark side inside him, and when he sang about it, that it wasn't just a marketing ploy to sell something else. And like Madonna he did it at a time when this was not considered to be a healthy career choice, never mind a healthy sexual choice. Janet Jackson was another artist I believed when she sang about bondage, sex, dominance and submission, although admittedly I found her later works lacking the drive and power of those songs written before she outed herself as a freak.

I believe that may bring us back to happiness. Once these people outed themselves, they achieved a level of happiness. And happiness dulls you. And no, I am not writing this here to out myself. People who know me know I am a freak anyway, sexually, intellectually and otherwise, and I have made my peace with that part of myself a long time ago. I'm not beige, I am rubber and leather, intellectually speaking (and for more information, you have to use your imagination, or ask me out on a date).

I also have enough other things to keep me unhappy and thus writing.

I wrote about 1,500 words today, and most of that was good. It worries me every time, going back to the keyboard after a time spent away of it. Call it performance anxiety. My, what a typical male I am today. Making sexual comments on everything.

But yes, performance anxiety. I always worry that for some reason I can no longer access that part of my brain that is working the stories. Sometimes, not very often, but sometimes you can't find your way back into the story anymore, and that alone is enough to look at the keyboard and go, "oh dear lord, give me something".

But I wrote 1,500 words today. And while it gave me a headache, it also gave me the confirmation that everything up there is still in working order.

And that alone, wouldn't you think, makes me a freak.

Be a freak. Be it with somebody you love and who loves you. Cuddles and chains must not necessarily be mutually exclusive.