I admit that I adore the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie, and am especially fond of that performance everybody at Disney - according to Johnny Depp - hated as "gay", because it was that performance that saved what could have easily been a dull movie. I am not so fond of the two sequels, which for some reason just appeared to drag on and on and on...
... but still, I found myself looking forward to another movies about pirates, arrr arrr... until I just saw the teaser trailer for the fourth movie. Yes. I am late to the party. I don't have the time, for the most part, to look at all trailers, and this kind of eluded me.
And having watched it, I am not sure if the Disney marketing people do realise they have the audience's reaction already as a fourth-wall-breaker within that teaser. Is that it? Really? Generic dialogue? Some crap in London that doesn't come out well?
And wood. Hard wood. Or maybe it is supposed to give us wood, but all I could see was Geoffrey Rush, now Long Dong Silver, stepping up with one leg, but not much to say.
Are we not the King's men?
And when did Ian McShane come out of Deadwood to play... his Deadwood character once again?
What is this movie about? The Fountain of Youth, you get told. But what does it do? Where is it? We got a glimpse of it at the end of the third movie, and wasn't it always Jack's mission to become immortal, or is it enough to merely be immortalised? What is that movie about? What is the story you need, you want to tell us?
I have no idea.
Structurally, the trailer is a mess. In the worst way.
Here's the Jack I know?
What? Was he gone?
I heard a rumour, Jack Sparrow's in London?
It doesn't matter, so the marketing people seemed to have thought.
It's Johnny Depp. In his now signature role. Show him, show him, show him.
And people will show up.
Not after this trailer.
Because I have that sinking sensation that, yes, this is it...