POWER WATCH: IF ALL CONDOMS WERE AS GOOD AS BP'S OIL SPILL CAP, THERE'D BE A FUCKING LOT MORE BABIES!

Success! Success! We capped it! So says BP, and from the same AP article that my last post took its quote from, here is this...

[Coast Guard's] Allen earlier Monday told reporters that a cap on the damaged oil well is now keeping up to 462,000 gallons of oil a day from leaking into the Gulf. That's up from about 441,000 gallons on Saturday and about 250,000 on Friday. BP in a statement put the amount being captured at 466,200 gallons. Allen said the government was using its own flow-rate calculations and not relying on those from BP. He put the amount being captured at 11,000 42-gallon barrels, or 462,000 gallons.

Isn't that awesome? 11,000 barrels are being captured per day!  From a blow-out that only produced roughly 5,000 barrels per day (according to BP and the US government for as long as real scientists couldn't see footage of the spill and then calculated themselves, then it was 12,000 barrels per day, officially)

Unofficially? Most independent experts (you know, the ones the US administration and BP won't let get anywhere near the fucking blow-out) estimate the spill at roughly 50,000 barrels per day, some even go as far as estimating 70,000 to 100,000 barrels per day, and that was before the capping operation, which by BP's own account, would increase the flow by roughly 20 percent. Then again, what the fuck do they know?

See, if they siphon off 11,000 barrels a day... and the official flow rate was correct? They'd pretty much capture it all. Only they don't!

At an estimated 50,000 barrels per day, they manage to siphon off 20 percent of the oil!

And that is before that 20 percent increase, uh... feeling sick yet?

Yes! Success! We capped it so well...

... that 80 percent of the oil still pumps into the ocean!

That's how fucking good we are! With a better plan coming into fruition, maybe, in late summer or early fall, you know, with a relief wewll that should have been part of the fucking security measures in the first place and that BP is fighting to implement in all kinds of places, like for example Canada!

Like I said, 80 percent.

Thank god BP doesn't produce condoms!

They'd only be recommended by the Vatican, if they did!

POWER WATCH: THE CHOCOLATE MESSIAH NOW LIVES IN DUBYA COUNTRY, FULLY EMBRACES EVERY BUSH DELUSION

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Barack Obama sought to reassure Americans on Monday that the Gulf Coast would "bounce back" from the worst oil spill in the nation's history, but not without time, effort and reimbursement from BP. Surrounded by Cabinet members, Obama said that not only is he confident that the crisis will pass but also that the affected area "comes back even stronger than ever."

I don't even think that this needs to be commented. This is on the level of Tony "I want my life back" Haywood's now infamous quote of "This is not a major catastrophe, the ocean is pretty big".

Stronger! Than! Ever!

Well, if that isn't easier to swallow than a black man's cock at a gay club's gloryhole!

This is the guy we believed was the smartest guy in the room? This? This was supposed to be the Mr. Spock of US politics? This guy? This guy who has been "briefed on your pain"?  Are you shitting me? This is the guy?

Congratulations, Barry.

All you have proven in the first 1.5 years of your presidency is that a black politician in the White House is just as corrupt, just as adverse to the truth and just as deep with his head in the ass of multinational corporations as the next best white politician. And if the hell that isn't a good indication of being fully integrated, then I don't know what is.

In related news, 25 years after the Bhopal catastrophe (and if you don't know what that was, look it the fuck up)... India served up its first convictions. Let me point that out. 25 years! A quarter of a century! And the guy who was responsible for the deaths of at least 15,000 people back then, wait, was was thatagain? Criminal neglience by a major corporation? That allowed a catastrophe to happen? Killing people? Soiling their land? Oh, wait, that was in India! Who the fuck cares! We all know they bounced back, didn't they? Except for those 15,000 people. But hell, who's counting?

The guy responsible, in the end? The head of Union Carbide. A guy named Warren Anderson. An American. Who the Indians would really, really like to be extradited, so he can face criminal trial.

Guess who isn't giving him away?

That's right, class.

The US White House. This White House. And every other White House before it.

Congratulations, Barry!

You are exactly like Dubya. Like Clinton. Like Papa Bush. Like Reagan!

Be proud.

Now, go and suck your corporate masters' dicks some more.

And so, to all those who think that any or all CEOs – who can and will destroy your life with the stroke of a pen – will ever held accountable by any or all governments, I'm sorry, kids.

Your life or livelihoods are worth shit-all.

But don't worry.

You'll bounce back. Stronger! Than! Ever!

QUOTE OF THE DAY: I BET YOU KNOW THIS ONE

I think the time has come to remove all Arabs from Knesset. They cannot possibly be true citizens of this Jewish State....they cannot sing Hatikvah or swear allegiance to the Jewish State, ..nor can they serve in the Army properly....so no arabs in Knesset is the only possibility. They should be given all rights except the voting rights and we shouldnt be afraid of the South Africa experience so long as the Arab minority is treated equally except for voting and kneeset. Its the only real and feasible consequence to being a Jewish State for the Jewish People with Jewish values. Lets remember that not every US citizen can be the US president. Every country has some limitations on you runs their country. Democracy yes - but not a pure democracy because we are first and foremost a Jewish State.

This quote is just one of many coming from Israelis, this one taken from somebody named Don Lary in Haaretz, regarding an article that deals with the revoking of Member of Parliament (Knesset) rights to an Arab-Israeli MK after she was part of the Gaza "Terrorist" flotilla. And now we are going to play a little game. It's easy enough. We'll just substitute certain words but without changing the meaning, eh?

I think the time has come to remove all [Jews] from the [Reichstag]. They cannot possibly be true citizens of this [German] State....they cannot sing [the national anthem] or swear allegiance to the [German] State, ..nor can they serve in the Army properly....so no [Jews] in [the Reichstag] is the only possibility. They should be given all rights except the voting rights and we shouldnt be afraid of the [Nazi Germany] experience so long as the [Jew] minority is treated equally except for voting and [the Reichstag]. Its the only real and feasible consequence to being a [German] State for the [German] People with [German] values. Let's remember that not every US citizen can be the US president. Every country has some limitations on who runs their country. Democracy yes - but not a pure democracy because we are first and foremost a [German] State. 

Ah. Only we couldn't! I'm not even talking about how the world would react, if we did this. NAZIS! NAZIS! NAZIS! THEY ARE GOING TO KILL JEWS AGAIN SOON!

No. I'm talking about a little thing called "Grundgesetz", which unfortunately translates to "Basic Law", but is what others call constitution. See, we had this... thing from 1933 to 1945 that... well, we don't want to talk about it too much, but long story short, well, we kind of put people into groups, and then we started to deny these groups one bsic human right after another, it started in 1934, in Nuremberg, oh well...

And so this is article 33 of the German constitution.

Article 33
[Equal citizenship – Public service]
(1) Every German shall have in every Land the same political rights and duties.
(2) Every German shall be equally eligible for any public office according to his aptitude, qualifications and professional achievements.
(3) Neither the enjoyment of civil and political rights, nor eligibility for public office, nor rights acquired in the public service shall be dependent upon religious affiliation. No one may be disadvantaged by reason of adherence or nonadherence to a particular religious denomination or philosophical creed.

See that? No one.  The leader of the Green Party, Cem Özdemir, is a Turkish German. The newly appointed minister for social and family affairs in Niedersachsen is a Turkish German woman (hey! Three in a row!). And that is just in public life. One of the best, if not the best political commentator in Germany is Michel Friedman, a Jewish German (I believe there is a bit of French in there, too).

And then there are people like me. I'm German. Russian. And British! Which – as I sometimes joke – forces me to make plans for world domination (British), fail absymally at executing those plans (German) and then drink myself into depression while dancing drunk in ways that is offensive to the human eye (Russian).

And no, it isn't easy. And no, it doesn't come overnight. And yes, there is still racial hatred here, anti-semitism and plain stupidity. But if you tell these people, who in many instances were either born here, have grown up here or made the conscious choice to be part of Germany, that they cannot have a say, that their voices are irrelevant to the public discourse, debate and discussion...

... you make them strangers in their own home. We did that once. I talked about it. Just a few posts back. Why, then, should they defend that of which you have clearly told them they are not a part of? Democracy... has no religion. It cannot afford to have one. Not even the one you personally prefer.

And if you don't like it? Start building the camps. For that is where you ultimately will have to put these people you have stolen their rights from. and this doesn't just go for Israel. It goes for Russia (come on, people. Muslims can be Russians, too, you know), this goes for Iran and Iraq and Saudi Arabia and Turkey (Christians can be citizens, too, you know. Or Armenians. Or Kurds). Build the camps now, because you are going to fill them. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week...

... but some day, when you have already accepted that these "people" are not part of your country, not part of you, the next monster will come along. And the next monster will tell you that they shouldn't be there in the first place, and hell, then the next monster will give you a solution.

May even be a... final solution.

That is why there is a very good German proverb. "Wehret den Anfängen", or in English, start the fuck defending these people now. Or... build the camps. Your choice.

SOCIETY WATCH: THIS IS WHO WE ARE (AND DAMN THE ONES WHO TELL YOU DIFFERENT)

When the Eurovision Contest was on (and zey all lav lav lav'ed us), it wasn't even the win by Li'l Björk (Lena) that impressed me the most. Don't get me wrong. I still wuv her with all my heart, and I want to have my very own, to cuddle and huggle. I think we all deserve to have a little Lena. It wasn't Jessy Matador, either, who I still believe had one of the coolest Soccer World Championship songs ever with Allez Ola.

No.

It was this. This Flashmob compilation that took us all into the homes and on the streets of Europe. That celebrated our common ground and our differences. That showed us people. From everywhere.

Dancing.

People often ask me why I'm so damn angry. All the time.

It's this. This is how we are at our very best. People. The same. And different. And it's how we are supposed to be. And how we can be. How we should be. And every now and then, when the politicians shut the fuck up, when there's no hate, when there's no lies, when we are not manipulated into racial angst, fear and led into the darkness by those who see us only as their servants, as their workers, as their slaves, as their cannon fodder for their ideologies, for their religions, for their own benefit...

...this is what mankind is.

This is the reason why I haven't slashed my wrists yet.

Because there is hope.

There is still hope.

Even if it is only in a dance around Europe, for a few minutes.

POWER WATCH: HOW THE ISRAELIS' OWN NUMBERS SHOW THE GREAT LIE THAT THEY ARE "HUMANITARIAN" WHEN IT COMES TO GAZA

In a typical week the IDF coordinates the transfer of hundreds of trucks containing about 15,000 tons of supplies.  During the week of May 18, 2010 there were more than 100 truckloads of animal food, 65 trucks of fruit and vegetables; 22 truckloads of sugar, some 27 truckloads of meat, poultry and fish; and 40 trucks of dairy products.

So says the Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs. One should always use the numbers liars are proud to use themselves. Let's not even go on the fact that cement, building materials and other things, like laptops (these terrorists could communicate, after all. Or write memos) are on a "fuck, no" list and won't come in anyway. Let's just take the numbers at face value, shall we? Let's say that all of the 15,000 tons per week are food and drink.

That sounds like a huge, awesome number, doesn't it?

15,000 tons! That's 15,000,000 kg! Awesome! Per week!

But we need another number. How many Palastenians are living in Gaza?

According to the CIA World Factbook (again, remember, always use the number liars themselves are comfortable with), it's 1,500,000 people, 1,000,000 of which are refugees from way, way back.

Let's put them all together, shall we?

1,500,000 people locked up.

15,000,000 kg food and water supplies being left through (not all of which will be food and water, there will be soap and here and there some medical supplies, but for this mathematical experiment, we will assume that all of that aid is edible or drinkable, ok?)

1 week = 7 days.

15,000,000 kg/1,500,000 people/7 days = 1,43 kg of food and water per person per day. I say food and water, because according to this UN report (all full of antisemites, I know, everybody outside Israel is an antisemite, yes, obviously), the water supply – already fully dependant on Israel's good graces, was close to collapse in September 2009 already.

The UNEP report on the environmental condition of Gaza following Israel’s military operation in the region in late 2008 calls for the aquifer – supplying 1.5 million Palestinians with agricultural and drinking water – to be “rested” and alternative sources to be found.“Unless the trend is reversed now, damage could take centuries to reverse,” said the environmental assessment report, which follows the hostilities in Gaza in December 2008 and January this year.

So let us re-iterate. Isreal's government and military, with the help of the Egyptian military dictatorship (and don't come to me with "they had elections") put 1,500,000 million people in the largest fucking prison ghetto the world has seen since John Carpenter's Escape from New York. They have no work, most of them. They have barely any means to provide for themselves. They cannot flee and take up work elsewhere. Their own leadership, with Hamas, is screwing them left, right and centre.

And the Israeli government has the gall, the chuzpe to point with indignation, how dare you, how the fuck dare you at the fact that they graciously allow what comes to 1,43 kg of food and supply per day and per person.

What great humanitarians they are!

And before somebody points out (as they always will) that the Nazi Germans  "allowed" only 186 calories per day and per person into the Warsaw ghetto in 1940, so things could always be worse, well, duh, things can always be worse, and what the hell is your problem pulling numbers together that go "well, but the biggest human scum on this planet were even worse than us"? I am sick and tired of people in power scratching the bottom of the barrel to justify their actions.

We are human beings! We are better than that!

We must be better than that!

And if you are one of those people, sit the fuck down, yes, over there, in the corner, sit the fuck down, shut up and think for a moment. No, longer than a moment. Did I tell you to talk? No. I told you to think about what you are saying. Think about what that makes you, you stupid, petulant child. What that argument shows you to be. I don't know what it is, but a man it isn't.

1,43 kg per day and per person. Using their own numbers. With a water supply completely dependent on the ones who locked up 1,500,000 people. Which is collapsing.

That is just about enough – and that is before Hamas takes all the good stuff – to survive, albeit barely. And that is why Benjamin Netanyahu and his ilk are monsters. Why they should be – like his like-minded mirror image Mahmud Achmadenischad in Iran – dragged in front of an international court. And don't come to me with "but they were all democratically elected". So was Hamas. So was Hitler. Or, as the great philosophers once said, "Shit! 22 trillion flies cannot be wrong!" It's called argumentum numerum. You argue that everything that the majority of a country votes for must be right. Gosh, I wish somebody had told the Jews. Or the blacks in the US that. Oh, wait. They did.

1,43 kg per day and per person.

And this, class, is based on the notion of 15,000 tons of food aid per week, as told to us by the Israelis themselves. In one week. In May.

By the way, it's not that they are sending that aid. They are just gracious enough to let it through, awwwww, I'm sorry, do you want to have a pat on the shoulder for that?

But wait! It gets better! See, in another section of the press release quoted and linked up there, the Israelis state the following.

In the first quarter of 2010 (January-March), 94,500 tons of supplies were transferred in 3,676 trucks to the Strip: 48,000 tons of food products; 40,000 tons of wheat; 2,760 tons of rice; 1,987 tons of clothes and footwear; 553 tons of milk powder and baby food.

And here is where it gets really interesting. Take out the baby food and simply deal with the actual food suply, you have 90,796 tons of food aid that came into the Gaza strip. From January to March. Again, not sent by the Isrealis, who are apparently quite content to let the Palastanians starve to death. No, from the world community. But, whatever.

90,796 tons in 12 weeks = 7566 tons per week.

Let me repeat that. Not 15,000 tons per week.

HALF OF THAT!

By their own admission!

Now, let's do the same math again.

7,566,000 kg/1,500,000 people/7 days

That 721 gr per day per person. 0,721 kg! Of food.

Know what that is? A packet of wheat flour and a cup of rice. It ain't even a packet of wheat flour and a carton of milk. No. Not even that.

And all over sudden you might understand in what a desperate situation these 1,500,000 prisoners of Israel are. And yes, I know, I know. Hamas! They can buy weapons and rockets! So for those maybe 10,000 Hamas people in there, fuck the other 1,490,000! Fuck them to hell! Terrorists, all!

721 grams per day and per person. Of food. Of basic food. We ain't talking the latest KFC atrocities here, boys and girls. We are talking wheat and rice and a bit of oil for your pan.

Remember that, kids.

The next time one of the monsters comes on television and tells you what great humanitarians they are.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: NO ONE HAS CLAIM!

BALIAN OF IBELIN

It has fallen to us to defend Jerusalem, and we have made our preparations as well as they can be made. None of us took this city from Muslims. No Muslim of the great army now coming against us was born when this city was lost. We fight over an offence we did not give, against those who were not alive to be offended. What is Jerusalem? Your holy palaces lie over the Jewish temple that the Romans pulled down. The Muslim places of worship lie over yours. Which is more holy? The wall? The Mosque? The Sepulchre? Who has claim? No one has claim. All  have claim!

BISHOP OF JERUSALEM

Blasphemy!

BALIAN OF IBELIN

Be quiet.

  

SALADIN

Will you yield the city?

BALIAN OF IBELIN

Before I lose it, I will burn it to the ground. Your holy places - ours. Every last thing in Jerusalem that drives men mad.

SALADIN

I wonder if it would not be better if you did.

Much maligned at the time of its release, Ridley Scott's Kingdom of Heaven – in its director's cut, not the truncated and structurally raped theatrical release – is probably one of the few masterpieces that have been made in the past few years. Not only did it show that Orlando Bloom – given half the chance  – could act, but also because Scott and his screenwriter William Monahan (Academy Award winner for the so much lesser The Departed) put their focus on everything that has ever and always been wrong about Jerusalem, the Holy Land and the idiots who claim that God has sent them to kill and maiM in his name.

There are many quotes in this movie that are true and that you will never hear from any politician, any priest or Iman or Rabbi, because they're too cowardly to speak the truth to power. And so it once again falls to the artist, to the actor to say things that shouldn't be needed to be said out loud, that should be in all of our hearts, for they are what make us human. And so I leave you with two more quotes...

BALIAN OF IBELIN

For what man is a man who does not make the world better?

And something that everybody screaming for the rapture, for the defense of some rock and some stone, who put the lives and loves of those who live there below some kind of bullshit beliefs of one god with three faces, Yahwe, God, Allah, who the hell gives a fuck?

BALIAN OF IBELIN

If this is the Kingdom of Heaven, let God do with it what he will.

JOURNALISM WATCH: WHY HELEN THOMAS' REMARKS ARE HATEFUL AND STUPID AND SMELL A LOT LIKE AN OLD NAZI FART

Here's a thing I thought I would never have to write. And it pains me to do, because I genuinely thought that Helen Thomas was one of the good guys, especially because of her tenacity during the lies that were the Bush years. But when I see something like this, I think that it's time to put her out to pasture.

Longtime White House scribe Helen Thomas caused more than a few eyebrows to perk up when video surfaced on Friday of her declaring that Jews should "get the hell out of Palestine" and go back to Germany and Poland.

Now, I would like to have Jews come back to Germany, because before we as a nation decided to go utterly batshit and kill them all, they were – and boy, doesn't that rankle the neo-Nazi white supremacist retards? – one of the pillars, if not the major pillar of what was known as German culture. Poets. Scientists. Artists. Writers. Directors. Actors. We drove them out, and those who loved their country so much, so very much that they didn't want to leave it, who proudly stated that "we are Germans", we rounded up, we tortured, we murdered, we gassed, we shot, we killed.

We lost not only our way, not only our humanity, but also our culture, leaving Germans for decades not much more than the somewhat elusive pride of our "engineering". Yes, we as a nation know how to be anal retentive! Like that's news to anybody? And engineer even the smallest details! Down to having the death trains run on time! Big whoop! Like, that's anything to be proud of?

We used to be able to dream. The land of poets and thinkers, the world called us. Das Land der Dichter und Denker. We used to dream. And hope. And create.

And when I hear somebody like Helen Thomas say something that is this revolting, it makes me throw up in my mouth. No, really. I can taste the puke. Because it isn't a correct and harsh criticism of what the Isreali government and what the Israeli military are doing to other human beings.

This shows only that her criticism is and very likely always been based on Jew hatred. And that invalidates, yes, I say it loud and clear, it invalidates every- and anything she has to say on the subject.

Yes, the Palestanians got the shaft in 1948, and they shouldn't have. And if somebody was to blame, it is us. The Germans. Look at ourselves in the mirror. We did this. We created the middle east conflict. Not the Jews. We did. We backed the few remaining survivors into a corner, we damaged them psychologically and emotionally so much that they became a group, a religion without a country.

And worse, without a home.

We not only killed them, no, we did worse.

We left them alone. Our friends. Our neighbours. Our dreamers. Our hearts and our souls. We left them alone. Because somebody told us, somebody with authority, somebody with a uniform and a loud voice told us that these people, our fellow countrymen, our friends, the ones who would come over for dinner and laugh and joke with us, that they were not like us. Even when we could have, should have seen that this man, this withered prick of a man in uniform was lying.

We made Isreal. And look at them. We did a good job, didn't we? We made them and their monsters. Just as the Arabs and their hatred, cloaked in religion, made the Muslims of the Middle East today.

It's so easy to create monsters. Ask Victor Frankenstein. He'll know. So much easier than to create something beautiful. All you have to do is to stitch dead things, dead beliefs together and have it come alive with just the right dosage of hatred and energy.

We created the monster known as Benjamin Netanyahu, with his insane ideas that somehow Israel has a biblical claim on all the land, and who secretly hopes that those damn brown people in the Gaza strip starve to death. We created Isreal, their paranoia and their delusions. We made them the way they are.

But here's the thing. They are there. And the Palastineans are there. And we have reached a very dangerous point in that history. That point? When hatred and violence becomes tradition. And tradition is a very, very dangerous thing.

"We have always been at war with Eurasia," George Orwell once wrote, and this is what tradition is. The act of stupidity and the acceptance of a reality without thinking. Without analysing. Ask Northern Ireland. You'll be hard pressed to find any family anywhere, Catholic or Protestant, who couldn't tell you "But they killed your Uncle Jimmy!"

A tradition of murder. Of violence. Going on. For centuries. Going on forever. Ask the Germans and the French how well that turned out in the end. We had two world wars! And for what? For fucking what? Because the French were... uh... yes, what exactly? They had better wine and cheeses?

Yes, we have always been at war with Eurasia.

Bullshit.

And with Helen Thomas revealing herself to be an anachronistic, resentful and hateful person, an apology is nothing more than public relations damage control. She's not really apologising. She hasn't changed her world views. She's just scared that she was found out. That somebody has her on tape. That she was exposed as what she is. Somebody who – if not a neo-nazi sympathiser – still has internalised the same hateful bullshit that killed Jews over 60 years ago. Somebody who would look the other way, if it is only the right person who gets killed, the one she thinks shouldn't be there, the one she thinks should have no right to exist.

Bullshit!

There is right and wrong. It's a choice that is not difficult to make. It's only difficult to live with the consequences. And Helen Thomas cannot even do that.

I'm so disappointed.

So very disappointed.

I'M SHOCKED! SHOCKED I SAY, TO FIND GAMBLING GOING ON IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT! ROUND UP THE USUAL SUSPECTS!

The British Medical Journal, with some (a lot) of help from the Bureau of Investigative Journalism (yes, some people actually still do the hard work and don't rub one out over whether Kate Hudson has gotten a tit job or not, and call that investigation)... have now revealed that several key scientists who were responsible for the World Health Organisation (WHO) declaring swine flu the worst thing since... oh, I don't know, AIDS, Ebola and the common cold combined... were actually on the payroll of those pharma companies that were to make billions and billion of profits on such a decision.

That decision triggered literally numerous billions of Euros and Dollars spent on what could only be called the biggest buy-in into state-sponsored vaccines in decades. To quote that famous Senator from Naboo, "Yousa people gonna die?"

Never mind that the swine flu lethal rate – as everybody could see at the time – was lower than that of your average flu. Never mind that the vaccines – sold to the public (but not bought) as "if you don't take it, it can mutate and then you will die" (no, not really. If a virus mutates, the probability of it being stopped by a vaccine developed for a different strain drops faster than Angela Merkel's popularity ratings) – were somewhat ineffective. Never mind that the vaccines for the general public were laced with quicksilver, and the good stuff only went to politicians, the military and key "state personnel".

People who were key to that decision were on the payroll of those who were to profit from it. And, gosh, doesn't that sound familiar? Like, oh, I don't know, like the ones in the regulatory agencies being very cozy with BP and just waving through whatever BP told them to?

The investigation by the BMJ/The Bureau reveals a system struggling to manage the inherent conflict between the pharmaceutical industry, WHO, and the global public health system, which all draw on the same pool of scientific experts. Our investigation has identified key scientists involved in WHO pandemic planning who had declarable interests, some of whom are or have been funded by pharmaceutical firms that stood to gain from the guidance they were drafting. Yet these interests have never been publicly disclosed by WHO and, despite repeated requests from the BMJ/The Bureau, WHO has failed to provide any details about whether such conflicts were declared by the relevant experts and what, if anything, was done about them.

Now, who were the swine here? What was the trough? Oh, whatever! Let's just all close our eyes, count to ten and return to our regularly scheduled program of "What? Kate Hudson has bigger tits now?"

WANTED FOR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY

NAME:

MAHMUD AHMADINEDSCHAD

PROFESSION:

PRESIDENT OF THE ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF IRAN

CRIMES:

BRUTAL SUPPRESSION OF HIS OWN COUNTRYMEN, INCARCARATION OF JOURNALISTS, OPPOSITION AND THE DESPERATE DESIRE TO DESTROY ISRAEL FOR JUST BEING THERE

CLAIM TO FAME:

TRIES TO GO NUCLEAR, THINKS THAT GIVES HIM A BIGGER PENIS

QUOTE:

"HOLOCAUST? WHAT HOLOCAUST?"

One of the things that always gets me is how utterly batshit insane people can get. Mr. Iran here is one of the most prominent examples. It's not even that he wants his state to be a nuclear power (after all, others around the world have just as small a penis as he does, Pakistan, anybody? Israel? India? China? Russia? The United States? What is it with people and rockets? And atomic ejaculation on the soil of another country? Boah! We have nukes! We can kill you! Yeah, I am so impressed. Why don't you do something more useful with your time, like, oh, I don't know... build hospitals?).


It's two things. The fact that last year he had his thugs brutally disperse people on the streets of Tehran after they contested the election results, which from all indications were falsified and forged. So that whole "democracy" thing is only good, if it gets you in power, but Allah fuck you if it wouldn't, right? You know, you cannot take criticism seriously if it comes from a man (and the religious leadership of Iran backing him) who does exactly the same thing that the Shah did. Order the murder, the rape and the torture of innocent people because they do not agree with you. But then again, that has been the way of Iran since we (well, not really "we", but who? Oh yes, the United States, the UK and... BP! Yes, there they are again!) overthrew the last properly elected Iranian government in 1953.

And installed our murder puppet.

Which was overthrown. And replaced. By another murder puppet. And then another. And then another. Until we have come to Mahmud. I can call you, Mahmud, can I? After all, your speeches at the UN, at conferences, on TV... they all make me feel like we know each other personally. You know, like we met at a café, I had to endure your speeches of how you apparently have a direct line to Allah, that the Jews are the root of all evil (and they're not, be glad that they don't charge you copyright fees for your use of their god, they have good lawyers, no really, they do) and that alone makes me either want to leave said café or strangle you, whatever comes first.

But it's not even that.

It's the fact that you, Mahmud, dare to open that bearded piece of shit you call your mouth and state – on numerous occasions – that the Holocaust never happened. Guess you never went to one of the concentration camps, did you? Guess you never bothered to look at the bones and rotten bags of flesh that were left, buried only inches below the ground of the soft, muddy German and Polish soil. And why should you? It would only get in the way of your own beliefs. Facts have a tendency to destroy faith. And we can't have that, now, can we? There is a reason that we had an age of enlightenment. There is a reason why – after hundreds and hundreds of years of stupid, religious and race-motivated wars, we in Europe simply became fed up with it. Once Nazi Germany finally crossed the line. And killed other white folks (what? Jews? White folks? Yes, really... so to that other side of the equation, the Neo-Nazis and "Semi-Christians", shut up, Jews are not a race, never have been a race, never will be a race).

You, Mahmud, use the Jews the way Hitler used them. As scapegoats. And to distract from your own murders, your own lies, your own crimes against humanity. Forgetting, as all powerful "leaders" do, that each life, each person is sacred. That each human being has the same rights. And if you had actually read the Quran – instead of just picking out the things that back up your own twisted, warped and murderous sociopathic mind – you would know that Allah does not look kindly on those who murder. Or order the murder of a single man, woman or child.

But I suspect you will not care. You have not cared in the past. You will not care in the future. As long as you are in power. But hope that Allah will show you the mercy you have not shown to those that you should have – by your very position, by the power you hold – protected, that you should have cared for. You won't be held accountable in an International Court of Law. I know that. But you should be.

POWER WATCH: GIVE US SOLIDARITY, WILL YOU? 45 PERCENT MORE SOLIDARITY, TO BE EXACT

And the lies and double speak continue. In Germany we have been living with one particular lie since reunification in 1990. It was called the "solidarity tax", currently at 5.5 % of your income tax (split by employer and employee, it's complicated...), and it was supposed to have been just for a few years to enable the newly aquired...

(let us remember, it was not a proper reunification, for that would have mandated a vote by all Germans, and we couldn't have that. Just as we couldn't have a vote on the Euro. The reason in both instances? They would have failed the vote. Better to do that shit in backrooms, eh? Instead of being forced to make a compelling case to the public. Because that would require work)

... East Germany to get back on its feet. Well, it's 20 years later, the solidarity tax continues. The first lesson? If a state, any state comes up with a tax, it will never go away. After all, there is still a luxury tax on champagne (sparkling wine, or as we call it, "Sekt"), which initially had been invented to build a German navy... by Emperor Willhelm II! Two world wars and more than a hundred years ago! Yes, class. The German Reich loved that tax. The Weimar Republic. Hitler's Nazi Germany. The Federal Republic. The Reunified Germany.

And now out current Treasury Secretary – in secret of course, but now leaked – wants to not only not abolish that "solidarity tax", nope, he wants to expand it.

Because who can say anything against solidarity?

It's supposed to rise from 5.5% of your income to 8%.

And before – as they usually do – some retard comes out and says, but uh, that's only a 2.5 % hike, that ain't too bad. Hello, retard. Go back to school. It's called math.

A hike from 5.5% to 8% is...?

Class?

Yes, it's a 45 percent hike.

For a tax that shouldn't even be there anymore, that was supposed to have a built-in deadline that has been extended and extended and extended. That has its monetary flow no longer tied to a proper target. Its money simply goes into the federal budget, with our lovely, corrupt politicians to determine where it goes. Hey, do I see another bank bailout coming? Or maybe our "Kill Afghanistan For Democracy" war effort? No, psst, don't call it a war. A war would have to be declared, and the German consitution doesn't allow to go to war, unless it is a war of self-defense on either our own turf or to come to the aid of NATO countries if they are being attacked on their turf.

And before somebody puts me in the "tea bagger" column, I am not against taxes. Not at all.  If they are being used for good. And by good I mean education, infrastructure...

...shit, have you seen German roads lately? I can tell you this, Adolf could not have tanks rolling anywhere on these roads anymore! Don't worry anymore, Europe! We would not be able to get our troops anywhere on these roads. You are safe, finally! Instead of fixing them? They now put warning signs next to them. Sorry, people. Drive 30 km/h or less, otherwise the road might seriously harm your car...

...and investments into new, forward-thinking technologies. See, we don't have natural resources, so we need to harvest our own intellectual strengths. And funnel money into that.  But no, we don't have money for any of this. We only have money to fight wars, to bail out banks, to gift multinational corporations that are too big to fail.

Hey, brother, how about it?

How about a little solidarity?

A bit more?

A lot more?

45 percent more?

Just don't count on their solidarity if you yourself fall on hard times.

We don't have the money for that.

THE WRITE STUFF: ... AND I'M DONE

I finished my revision, uh, full rewrite of The Cage late last night. And yes, I was able to bring in a TV pilot under 50 pages. 48 pages, to be exact, running on a 6-Act-Structure. If the tag is removed, it will only be 44 pages (I wanted to give some variation of choice). Wow. Me. Writing something that is actually not big and sprawling.

The new version is very tight, very fast. I had to lose some of the West Wing-ish dialogue to do it, but the script is better for it. It also answers the question (that nobody ever asked, mind you) of "can you do a Bourne structure and apply it to a story about reporters?"

The answer is yes. If the stakes are high enough.

And they are.

In my original draft, I created journalists. It was very realistic, so much so that numerous of my ex-colleagues commented, upon reading it, that this was likely the most realistic thing they had ever read about how a newspaper works. Some of these things, though, confused the hell out of people who don't know.

In this version, I created heroes. The realism isn't gone, but it no longer crushes the story and the characters as much. Yay, me!

Imagine the author now, exhausted and giving himself a day of not thinking. I often joke that I'm the Diet Sorkin (double the page count! none of the cocaine!), but one of the reasons I am constantly skating around the line of Burn-Out is that once I switch on my brain, it is virtually impossible for me to switch it off. Or even put it in neutral.

In other words, I do understand why for some drugs are so very appealing.

I just love my brain too much to use any.

Oh, yes, one more thing that makes me happy. I got to put something in the pilot that I always wanted. It's big, bulky, comes in racing green and has 540 horses under the hood. And hey, there is even a good, logical, character-based reason for having it there. So please, oh, whoever is running the universe, let this be produced and aired, just so I can sneak that particular thing from the set and drive around in it.

(Just the fact that I said it's racing-green should give away what it is)