January 12, 2011


See, the beauty of accounting is that it is whatever I (and be "I", I mean my company, which in this case is infamous vampire squid Goldman Sachs) make it out to be, at least apparently in the banking sector.

Such understanding of balance sheets, maybe, would explain this.
During a conference call last year, the [Goldman Sachs's] chief financial officer, David Viniar, described the company's private trades as comprising "10-ish type of percent" of its total revenues.
10-ish. Eh. Could be a bit more than ten percent, could be a bit less. I mean, we are just a small company, we don't count all that well. If it's a bit more, good for you, and by "you", I mean us, obviously. Only that the 10-ish is actually 18 percent of Goldman Sachs's revenue, as this piece reveals.
Wall Street giant Goldman Sachs generated at least 18 percent of its revenues last year through trading and investing for its own benefit, according to a regulatory filing made Tuesday detailing the first nine months, flatly contradicting the firm's previous claims that such speculative activity made up a much smaller slice of its business.
And to those who now say, "but hey, that's only 8 percent more than..."

Do not end that sentence, unless you wish to get slapped into next year, and by next year I do mean 2012, just so you know how hard that slap will be.

If we call the "10-ish" out and give it a number, let's say, uh, 9... and then look at the actual number, that is to say, 18, then that means that Goldman Sachs made double, yes, that is right, double in highly speculative trading than what they told their own investors and the market "analysts". Even at 10, those 18 percent is a whopping 80 (!) percent more than they had previously admitted.

David Vinear, I want you to come down. Come on, don't be afraid. Let me ask you only this. You are either the most retarded asshole ever to be in that position at a bank/investment firm (we don't really know what GS is, other than a vampire squid), or you consciously lied in that conference call.

Either way, it is time for you to go. To leave. It is time to write that book now. On the Bermudas. Before you will enjoy a high position at the Obama administration. You know, it's where all bankers go when they die.