February 24, 2011

DUMBEST QUOTE OF THE DAY: IF WEAPONS KILL, A FORK MAKES YOU FAT

If you have followed me here a little, you know that I am somewhat of an anomaly in the whole "gun debate" in such that (a) I don't like guns, (b) I know how to use them better than most who love them and (c) I have at two friends who are responsible gun owners, with permit and all.

Now, I do not begrudge them their sport.

For them, it is a sport. Just like archery is a sport. It's about coordination and concentration and the rarest moment in which mind and body unite in complete synchronicity, because that is what is needed to hit a target that is dozens or sometimes even hundreds of metres away. It is thus the same with archery, it is even the same with the more up, close and personal modern sports (or rather, modern sports that evolved into sports), like fencing or swordplay.

In all of these cases, the sport developed out of the weaponry's primary function. And that primary function is to kill another human being. Now, in order to be efficient in such a killing, you must train the skills to do so. Anybody who has ever served in an army knows this. That doesn't mean that you need to use those skills to actually kill anybody.

Far from it. Both of my friends are most likely the most centered, calmest people you will ever meet. Certainly calmer than me. Oh yes. A lot calmer than me. The moment I get calm, you better run for the nearest nuclear fall-out shelter, because when I get calm, I have already made the decision to take you out. And will not stop until I have. Just so you know, if we were ever to meet. As long as I am joking, even when I am raising my voice... you are still safe.

When I get calm. Run. Don't look back. Run.

Both of them are what I would call "cautious pacifists", which means that they would rather debate you to find a solution to any given problem rather than use violence in any, way or shape. Despite or - in their case maybe even because - the fact that they own guns and use them for sport. Neither of them are gun "nuts".

They are trained. And with training comes control.

And with control comes a sense responsibility.

So today I sent out to my Twitter stream the following...
Isn't it nice to know that we manufactured those that are killing innocent people around the world by the tens of thousands?  
Because our big arms dealers and manufacturers, always eager to fatten up their corporate bottom line, have sold and are selling weaponry all around the globe, including handguns, but most importantly, tanks, anti-aircraft cannons, planes, helicopters, rockets, grenades, mines and whatever else strikes your fancy. And they always, yes, always wind up being used to kill innocents.

And here's where the actual, real gun nuts come out of the woodwork. Who worship guns. Who would love to fuck them if they could. And who always use the same faulty analogy. Come on, kids. You know what it is, right?
@ It is not the weapons that kill the people. People kill people! If weapons kill, a fork makes you fat!
Yes. Of course. As the great Moses, uh, Charlton Heston already said, "Guns don't kill people. Apes with guns kill people!" It's an analogy that annoys the living hell out of me. Because it always forget the primary reason guns were invented. They were invented to kill people. Sorry. Did that burst your bubble? No, not deer. No, not stags. No, not moose (although Sara Palin may have a problem with that. Killing moose, I mean. After all, they had to actually tie a moose the fuck to the ground, so that she could shoot it, and if that isn't cruelty to animals, then Dick Cheney is an actual hunter for shooting bred quail from a fucking car).

No. Guns were made to kill people. Tanks were made to kill people. Jet fighters are made to kill people. Bombers are made to kill people. And the further up that "food chain" you go, the more obvious it becomes, or is anybody out there willing to argue that a tank can be used for anything other than to kill? What? Do a proper stroll around the countryside, maybe? Oh, darling, we would have never had this much fun if we had taken a trip into the woods with just a Hummer?

Bullshit. But that is not even the sentence that annoys me the most.

It is the next one. If weapons kill, a fork makes you fat.

Oh dear. Let us quickly take that sentence apart, shall we? A fork is made for one reason, and one reason alone. It is a tool to help you with eating food. We made it for that specific purpose. In this analogy, if we don't use this tool for that specific purpose, it is rather useless (although I have read it can be used to listen to old vinyl records, I personally wouldn't recommend that, though).

Now, if that is its only use, it doesn't really matter how often we use it. So in that rather shitty analogy, the over-use of the fork would lead to obesity, so not the use, but the over-use of weaponry would lead to killing. Duh. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

It is the way idiots always argue. With bumper stickers. Because they do not have the mental capacity to have more than one thought, and a simple one at that, in their rather empty brains.

Especially since my Tweet wasn't about gun ownership.

Dear god, these weapons are manufactured with only one purpose in mind. To make war. And to make a profit. For people who know that. Who find better, more ingenious ways, more efficient ways to kill larger numbers of people. People in countries run by murderous thugs. But hey, who cares, right? As long as they don't do it on our televsion screens, it is all okay. 

Let me state again. I am not the gun police, I don't want to be the gun police, but it is a difference of knowing the weaponry and respecting it, knowing its history and then using it for its secondary use, i.e. sport and the blind, stupid and volatile gun love that usually comes from people who thinks gun ownership gives them a larger cock.

It doesn't. Trust me on this. It doesn't give you a cock any larger than that of a guy who drives an SUV to show he is a stud. Or a guy who drinks himself under the table every night to prove he is a man. And if you let those retards run around freely, shit will indubitably happen. Because they lack the control. They lack the sense of responsibility that my friends do have. Because it is those retards, not people like my friends, who do a Travis Bickle in front of a mirror. It is those retards who I met in the army and who went all the Miami Fucking Vice on the target range.

It is the girls, like the one I wrote about in Arizona, who delude themselves that guns are fashion accesories. And that they would go all Wyatt Earp on a perp, with a .38 (which makes me laugh, then makes me choke on that laughter, because as anybody who has ever shot with a snub-nosed .38 knows, that damn thing is so inaccurate that you're lucky to hit anything that isn't right in front of you)

"Why should I run around outside with my gun," one of my friends said to me just last week? And trust me on this, this dude is funny with everything else. He owns little dinosaur toys. And big dinosaur toys. And more toys than a man of 40 should own. And so many that I am secretly envious of him. He sometimes plays egoshooters, or as he says, "there is nothing more calming than chain-sawing your way through a million virtual zombies. It's like being in a horror movie, whoopeee!"

And yet, when it comes to the subject of guns, he immediately becomes very sincere. He owns several. He has won numerous prizes. And he knows one thing. That he would never play around with them. Would never give them to anybody. Would never dispute that their primary use is to kill.

Yes. Guns don't kill people. That line is right.

Apes with guns kill people.