December 23, 2011


Here's the truth. You will not want to hear it. You will scream and shout and holler and tell me what a stupid fuck I am. You will go all Warren Ellis on me, will call me a hypocrite, will tell me that I am just jealous, that I am anti-capitalist, that what I am talking about is the best thing since sliced bread, even though you have no fucking idea where that phrase comes from without having to google it first, but you will scream and shout.

The truth is that the tablet will kill not only creativity but kill the very informational fabric of what we so far called the human civilization.

Say what?

Haven't we heard all of that before? About the record, about the cassette, about the PC, about the cell phone, hell even about the book itself, about which an unnamed monk, some time in the 15th century wrote "know what happens if the asshole masses get access to the same information as us brain types before God? Revolution, that's fucking what! Now get me Martin Luther and kill the motherfucker!"

The same monk then proceded to doodle a bit into the margins of his bible that depicted a woman getting fucked by a goat while sucking the cock of what can only be described as a Devil's Dick, and the water marks on those margins have recently been identified as sperm marks.

Because that is what I am arguing against here, right? Full, unfiltered access to information for everybody, and god, only a fucking fascist would argue against that, right? I mean, the same kind of fascist that would like to shut down social networks and perhaps the very internet itself in the event of an uprising. And no, I am not not talking about the wankers in Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Syria or Libya, I am talking about British PM David Cameron, a sentiment echoed by pretty much every "good democratic" politician in the Western hemisphere.

The iPad [insert your choice here] is the great savior of democracy!

That is pretty much what is being echoed around, and not only by hackers (for the most part), but more importantly by sociologist, futurists and, hey, can't forget those, economists.

And have we not already seen the transformation taking place? Just a few months ago HP announced it will sell or spin off (translate: dump it to the Chinese, you know, like IBM dumped its shit to the Chinese, who turned it around and made it Lenovo) its entire PC business, and perhaps just in the nick of time as PC sales have been plummeting by roughly 20 percent.

Can somebody give me an EEEEEEEEK?!

PCs are quickly becoming again what they once were, what they apparently will devolve again into, and what that is? They will be the box you log onto when you are at the office, whereyou slog through Excel files, where you write reports, where you send emails to your boss and perhaps surf for a bit of goat fuck porn on the side (which there is surprisingly much of and only serves to show that the unnamed monk know what he was wanking about)

There will be nothing Personal about this Computer anymore, becoming again a workhorse, clunky, ugly and usually hidden underneath a desk, together with your booze bottle and the two glasses you use in the office when nobody is looking, you can't get your drug dealer to bring you that new vial of cocaine that otherwise would be enough to get you through the shitty work day.

No, your personal shit will be on that tablet, on that phone, you will carry it around all day, you will hug it and love it and will want to introduce it to all your friends the way you only used to introduce your girlfriend or wife to them. "Hi, I am Thomas, and this is Isis, yes, I called my iPad Isis, and she warms my heart, no, literally, she does, because the battery heat is such a motherfucker, she burned my nipples when I last fell asleep with her resting on my chest, want to make something out of it?"

Yes, I know what I am talking about. We are all not only becoming addicted to the constant flow, the constant consumption of "internet" feeds, we kinda go "hey, that's not a bad thing."

Which, in the end, makes Apple and Google (the big players on this market, together with FaceBook) dangerous drug dealers. Let me put it in another way.

You are willing (and hey, isn't this blog at Google? Shit, it is) to not only hand over all your personal stuff to those companies, now, you expect them to be there for you, you need it, give me that fix, I cannot live without constant stimulation, without constant feedback, god god god, somebody could have tweeted, chatted, BBM'ed me...

... and the effects are getting more pronounced as this article shows...
More than half of Americans would rather give up chocolate, alcohol and caffeine for a week before parting temporarily with their phones, according to a recent survey by technology firm TeleNav.

One-third would give up sex, 22% would give up their toothbrushes (versus 40% of iPhone users, who evidently love their phone more than clean teeth) and 21% would rather go shoeless before separating from a mobile phone. Sixty-six percent sleep with their smartphones by their side.

Our addiction is so severe that people described going 24 hours without Internet akin to quitting an alcohol or cigarette habit, according to a report from British company Intersperience.

About 40% of those surveyed reported feeling lonely without the Internet, and 53% felt upset at being deprived. One person described unplugging to "having my hand chopped off."

University students who faced a sudden Internet and media blackout began to display withdrawal symptoms, during another survey conducted by the University of Maryland.

At least it's universal. One American said she was "itching like a crackhead" after going cold-turkey for 24 hours, and an Argentine student reported feeling "dead" without media, while a Lebanese student described the whole experience as "sickening."
Let me make the big point here one more time. 40 percent feel "lonely" without constant access to the internet... not to mention that every third of you would give up sex. Okay, other than with your own hand. Which is what the constant barrage of bullshit provides you. Wanking material, both socially and sexually.

While you kneel before Zod.

And give him a blowjob.